Hi everyone, it’s been a minute (if a minute is 3 years)…

I know nobody likes to talk about the pandemic and blah blah blah neither do I so it will be quick (but it’s important to the story). Once the “I’ll try to make this positive” outlook of being out of school and getting to spend every day in the sun wore off and I hadn’t gotten to interact with anyone circa July 2020 I sort of got into a slump. I went back to school and nothing (!) was the same, and this was also one of the first summers that I had not gone to my favorite place ever: Camp Kudzu.

After getting one of the best A1C’s of my life in 2020, I had one of my worst, and have continued to have some rough numbers leading up until now. This was super discouraging and I felt like I had failed in a big way. I sort of still feel like that. I tried to stay into my Instagram and connected to the Diabetic online community, but found that this was hard for me at the time.

This was something that had been a big part of my life for about 7 years, but I no longer felt like I “belonged” or that I had anything to offer to the conversations going on. I had been told that I handle Type One very well, and that I was inspiring and helpful, and I always took pride in that and felt happy that I was able to turn my experience into a positive for at least one other person.

When my A1C went wonky, I felt like I had failed some people. The most important one being myself. I found that for one of the few times in my life, I had a very negative and resentful attitude towards diabetes. And I had pressured myself into keeping up the appearance that I was handling it very well. And I will tell you what… things did not get better until I admitted to myself that I was not handling it very well.

And that that was totally okay.

I know what you’re thinking: Why did she spend money on the “I am greater than the highs and lows” tattoo if she wasn’t even going to heed the affirmation?

Kidding, but for real. It took some time but in hindsight I can say that I feel like myself, and a lot of others with a chronic illness, put some pressure on ourselves to not be a “burden” to friends and family. For me, I feel like a burden sometimes when I talk about it at all, feel like someone is displaying any sort of empathy towards my situation, or if I am just having a bad day with T1D and someone notices. Meanwhile, these are all good things and I am very blessed to have people in my life who care about me and what I am going through.

BUT the moral of the story is that you are not a burden. Your body is fighting itself every day, and look at you: doing all the things (or not doing them because you deserve the rest) and you’re amazing for it!!! And for those of you that are like me and feel bad about bringing up the hard parts to your non-chronically ill friends and family: I am proud of you, and it’s okay to be struggling, and you are not alone.

It is okay to not handle things well all the time. Life is a marathon, not a sprint (or so I’ve heard). Take the breaks you need and enjoy the highs and lows. The beauty of it all is the journey, not the destination (or so I’ve also heard). Now, I will impart my knowledge upon you as a signoff on this post.

Riley’s journey to restoring a positive outlook:

• Sign up for 3 types of workout subscriptions in the name of wellness and forget to use them
• Learn how to bake something
• Take a bath
• Scream into a pillow (progress is not linear, or so I’ve heard)
• Clean your room
• Wait several months
• Delete the 10,000 spam emails that have been piling up
• Write a blog post

Probably a better way to restore a positive outlook:

• Take the breaks you need
• Treat yourself
• Look in the mirror
• Remind yourself how badass you are
• Repeat as needed

Love you guys! DMs are always open ❤️