In December, I was confronted by an extremely difficult decision. Should I live in the sorority house with a big group of my close friends, or should I do my own thing? It seems simple, but it never really is, is it?

My sorority’s house is composed of mostly four girl rooms with the exception of 2 two girl rooms, and the entire pledge class lives there. The reason I chose to live out of the house is because I did not want to be a burden to the people that I would be living with. I keep my CGM alerts on at night, and my mom calls me if I don’t wake up to them quick enough if I am too high or low. There have been nights when I was so tired that I did not wake up to 1) the Dexcom alerts as well as 2) 8 phone calls from my mom. The last thing I would want to do is put my friends through that at night, especially if they had an important exam or interview the next day. I did have friends tell me that they would not mind and they just cared that I was okay. So why did I still not live in the house?

The second layer of my decision is one that has a lot more gravity. I have previously mentioned this in one of my past blog posts, but last summer, a friend from camp passed away in her sleep from a low blood sugar. I was obviously very shaken by this, as was the diabetes community as a whole. You start to think, “That could have been me”. You get nervous. And I did. I had a very difficult time sleeping after that, and sometimes I still do. I check my Dexcom multiple times before I can finally close my eyes. Sometimes I do a temp basal when my blood sugar is perfectly fine- just in case- but I wake up really high. And it sucks! The reason this is relevant to my decision is because I would run my numbers higher than I already do at night to make sure low alarms would not wake my roommates up. This would turn into a vicious cycle. I would not be able to focus in class as I would not feel well, and I would be exhausted which would in turn cause me to take naps and get behind.

This is my personal experience, and the consideration for others was the main reason behind my decision to live out of house. And believe me, it was a really hard decision. For a couple weeks I weighed out the options and cried about it but a decision had to be made. And after almost a month of living in my apartment, I know it was the right one.

I made a promise to myself that if I decided to live out of the house I would make every effort possible to show up for my friends and still be involved in the memories. And I believe that I have. At the start of recruitment, I was originally not supposed to be involved since I was out of house, but I asked to be a part of it. I still want to be able to do the fun stuff with my friends. I have driven over to the house most days to sit with my friends and just be around and a part of everything.

The thing about a decision like this is that most people will not understand, and that’s okay. You have to be confident enough in yourself and your judgment to do what is right. And you have to be okay with people not returning the same effort that you put in. And watching people bond from afar. A lot of my friends are together under one roof, and it is convenient to forget about what I am doing or to want to just stay there together. And I get that and it was something I was conscious of when I made my choice.

But my decision was not convenient. It was uncomfortable, hard, and sad. But life has taught me that I will never grow if I am always comfortable. Diabetes throws you curveballs, but as always we will make the most of it. And that is exactly what I am doing. I have an awesome roommate who is also in my sorority. I have been learning to cook new things, eating healthier, and having taco nights with friends. I have been opened up to a lot of new opportunities and people I would not have otherwise met. Last night I met the people across the way because they put their room number up in sticky notes and we wrote them a note. I know a lot of people in my apartment building and I am able to hang out with them and plan brunches. I feel like I have a great balance in my life as far as friends go and I know that I have made the decision that was best for me.

If anyone is struggling to decide whether or not to live in their sorority house, I hope that I was able to offer a little bit of helpful insight. But everyone is different and has their own experiences, and these were just mine. As always, sending good numbers your way 🙂